What are some funny and smart quotes?

They did a study between postal workers and chimpanze...

“It’s a little known fact that the tan became popular in the Bronze Age.”

“It’s a little known fact that pigs are the smartest animal. Scientists say that if pigs had thumbs and a language that they could be trained to do manual labor. They give you 20 to 30 years of loyal service and then at their retirement dinner, you can eat them.”

What is your opinion? I am 150-152 and I feel short. I’m 15 years old. I feel like this makes me look like a baby and ugly on most clothes.

“Everyone in the Swiss Army owns a Swiss Army knife. That’s why no one messes with Switzerland.”

“Ah just like all women. If they’re not turning down your proposal of marriage, they”re accusing you of suspicious behavior in the lingerie changing room.”

My sister Tracy sent me these a little while ago. I thought I’d share them. Thanks Trace.

NASA and India to Launch a $1.5 Billion Revolutionary Satellite That Will Change Earth Observation Forever! - The Daily Galaxy

“A Freudian slip is when you say one thing when you’re really thinking about a mother.”

“There is no rule against postal workers dating women. It just works out that way.”

Few people had funnier or smarter quotes than Cliff Clavin from the TV show, Cheers.

Why do some people have loving parents and some do not?

“The human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain cells. Too much alcohol kills brain cells, especially the slower, weaker ones. So, regular consumption of beer eliminates the slower brain cells after you’ve had a few beers which will speed up your brain.”